Life as Hine knows it

It is past midnight, I’ve made a cup of coffee because I cannot sleep for the life of me. Not that it matters too much though right, it’s not like I have anywhere to be, go and do. I was feeling a little weird tonight and felt like writing, either that or it was gonna be a night of me sitting up, overthinking shit that isn’t even worth thinking about. So here I am, aimlessly writing, listening to Triple J, the like a version segment and I am vibing.

With everything going around the world at the moment, it’s really got me thinking about a lot of shit. Like if the world really was coming to an end, at least for humanity, who I want to spend my last days with and whatnot. It’s a scary thought and it kind of sends chills through my body when I think too much about the whole thing. I have found myself asking whether I have done enough or spread enough happiness and good vibes, or have you told someone you miss/love them today because we literally are not promised tomorrow. And that thought gives me the absolute shits.

I have really just been trying to connect as much as possible with those around me and tell everyone I care about them whilst we are all still alive. The photo that has been attached to this particular post, has nothing to do with what I have chosen to write about and I don’t know how that makes me feel. Ugh! Welcome to the brain and mind of a high functioning person, it’s a literal headache.

Me te arohanui, Hine xxx

Since coming into rāhui, as mentioned multiple fucking times beforehand, I have been using it as a time to reconnect with myself. Mind, body, and soul. With that being said I find myself thinking about my purpose quite often and although I love absolutely everything about my career, I know that I am destined for bigger things. I love working with children and families and everything about teaching because I know that I am a natural nurturer, but as of late I have been thinking about how else I am able to pursue this.

I noticed that I am an impulsive person and regardless of what other people will say about some of the things  I have done or some of the people I date or have dated, I have always been the person to see it through. I’ve learnt my lesson multiple times and I’m not saying I regret half of that shit, it was a lesson well experienced. I don’t know where I was heading with this little part, but I am going to keep it in this post none the less. Where was I now. . . Oh, I was talking about how I can feel it in my soul that I am destined for bigger things and that the title of this excerpt is called follow your heart. I have a number of things that I have had to confront and comes to terms with recently, all of which are good, in my mind at least and every single bone, feeling, instinct is telling me that I need to follow my heart. With my career, with loving life, with following my purpose or at least my journey to find my purpose and with possible love interests (I say interests, but there really is only one). I don’t know where I am going with this now, but needed a place to write all of these thoughts out. This is a clear interpretation of how my mind works. I could be talking about one thing and then go off onto something else completely different and then so forth. To anyone that needs to hear this or if anyone even reads these things in general, follow your heart, do what your heart and soul are telling you to do. Move overseas, fall in love even though you’re afraid, travel alone. I am done living life for everyone else and want to start living it for myself. I want to start following my heart. And it knows what it wants. I am happy knowing that I know where I am headed and what is in stall for me…

Me te arohanui, Hine xxx

As it clearly says in the title, I have no clue at all whatsoever about what day it is in rāhui. Unofficially it has been about 19 days or something rather, but officially as said by ol’ Aunty Jacinda it has been about 15, coming on 16 days in rāhui.

To say the least it has been very good for my mind, body, and soul. I have literally only left the house once and that was to go supermarket shopping, was a big mistake because I had a FAT meltdown and anxiety attack. But you know, you grow through what you go through, right??? That is some cliche bullshit right there. Moving along, bar the panic attack, as mentioned in an earlier post, I am so incredibly at peace with myself. I have really had the opportunity to focus a lot on my own mind, body, and soul and have been doing things that have purely been focussed on my purpose. I had an astrology reading done by the beautiful Jess (MoonChild) and it was so unquestionably accurate. She spoke about me as a child and how she felt as if I had to repress my emotions quite regularly and experienced an excessive amount of crisis. She really hit the nail with that one indeed. However, she went on to say that although I experienced all these things, it helped shape into a person that supports others. I don’t know if I am writing this in a way that is understandable. She went on to talk about how as a teen I may have been suicidal or really down on myself and that this was a common way for an Aquarian to feel because they have always been souls that are before their time. My heart was literally racing because it was once again, very accurate. I thrive in relationships and connecting with people. It was an intense 30 or so minute session. Very insightful too. I now have a mantra that she said she likes to use whenever she needs to recentre herself and it resonated with me and it is as follows;

I am in front of me, I am behind me, I am to the left of me, I am to the right of me, I am below me and I am above me

This is something that I have started to say to myself now whenever I feel myself coming into a state of disconnection and it really grounds me. Anyway, yet again I went off on a tangent, what’s new though.

Me te arohanui, Hine xxx

DAY 13 in isolation for me and to say that least, I feel like I am living my absolute best life. It’s been incredibly interesting times and I am part of the group that is being paid to stay at home. Being appreciative and grateful are just a few words that could describe how I am feeling.

It’s kind of sad really to think that it has taken such an unfortunate event for people to really sit and appreciate everything that they have. I find myself quite often thinking about where I would be if I wasn’t staying where I currently am. Because two or years prior to moving here, I was living in a shitty apartment complex with about 4 males and everything was shared.  The bathroom, the kitchen, the living space and it was fucking gross. I am blessed and my heart is just full of happiness that I am in a much better and safer space.

On another note, I have been using this time to do things I always said I “never” had time for. For years I have been wanting to do yoga, but never got around to doing it, or was never actually motivated enough to do it for a better choice of words. However, doing yoga has become a morning ritual and sometimes if I feel like it, I will do at least 3 times a day. And these aren’t little 10 minute sessions, I am genuinely partaking in 30+ minutes of yoga. It has been refreshing and invigorating. Being able to start my days like this have been amazing and have really helped set the mood and pace for the day. I have been using this time over the last 13 days to connect with Papatuanuku (Earth Mother). Taking in all her beauty, embracing the sun on my skin, my feet on the grass, my arms and legs in the wind. It has been truly INCREDIBLE. I am connecting with the people around me and reconnecting with old friends. I am falling in love, not only with myself but with everything around me. I am writing again, singing and dancing again. My mind, body, and soul have not been this content in a LONG time.

As silly as this may sound, I feel as if something like this was bound to happen. And this might sound stupid, but I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. I do not know what that reason is and yes it is very sad the many lives that have been lost to this horrible virus, however, it has definitely put things into perspective for me. I hope everyone has been able to find their peace wherever they are and have been able to feel, be and create any sort of calm within themselves.

I feel like I am just rambling on at the moment and think that maybe I should probably just post this before I go off on tangents. . . Welcome to my brain.

Anyway, me te arohanui, Hine xxx

Ko Tutamoe te maunga.

Ko Opanake te awa.

Ko Mahuhu-ki-te-rangi te waka.

Ko Ngati Whatua te iwi.

Ko Ngati Kahu te hapu.

Ko Tama-te-ua-ua te marae.

Ko Hinemoa Reremoana Hall toku ingoa.

I have started a blog on a number of occassions and have never seen it through, so why not try again. 3rd time lucky is it?

Namaste! My name is Hinemoa, commonly known as Hine to those around me. I am in a place in my life, where I am just so incredibly happy, my mind, body and soul and I want to share that with the rest of the world, but via my eyes. So, join me on my journey of life as Hine knows it.